(What there is to Lose – Fragment One)
If the flesh is willing
By Clarity Scifiroots
Disclaimers apply
Fandom/Characters: Dead Zone (& House) – Bruce/Johnny, Sarah (& Cuddy)
Rating: All
Spoilers:
(only for DZ) through season five’s opening episode
Summary: Sarah
and Bruce have tried for months to convince Johnny to seek out medical council.
(Thanks to hctib_notsob for getting me started)
Note: Sequel
to At His Side; this is the first of a series of interconnected stories
crossing The Dead Zone with House, M.D.
May!fic 14 of 31
---
Things are always darkest before dawn. Bruce isn’t too sure anymore that there will be a light at the end of this particular tunnel.
Miranda died in the ambulance, wearing her wedding gown and the poisoned earrings. Johnny hasn’t forgiven himself yet, and Bruce doesn’t believe the guilt will magically vanish anytime soon. With the psychic and Reverend Purdy clinging to their perceived failures, Bruce finds it hard to deny his own sense of culpability.
Nobody quite holds the monopoly on guilt like Johnny does, though. For the first time in months Bruce more often than not wakes up alone. Sometimes he can locate Johnny in a matter of minutes. More often than not, however, it takes upwards of an hour to track him down. In addition, almost every night he startles awake at Johnny’s quiet noises of pain or his struggling in the clutch of a nightmare; or he finds Johnny standing awkwardly at the window, pale face bleached by moonlight. Bruce didn’t protest when a bottle of Tylenol PM appeared on the bedside table. He does worry as the frequency of the pills’ use increases. He’s already seen a new bottle in the bathroom cabinet.
While Johnny hasn’t asked Bruce to leave him alone or to move back into the guest room (Bruce’s apartment had been sold a month back), Bruce is all too aware of how much Johnny wishes he’d just go away. The knowledge wrecks havoc on him emotionally, but Bruce can’t back away, also knowing from experience that if he shows weakness Johnny will interpret it as rejection.
---
Sarah comes by to see Bruce during his lunch hour. Surprised, he abandons his food and takes a walk with her.
After a few minutes Sarah says, “I’ve been looking at doctors.” She glances up nervously. “I know he probably doesn’t want to see anyone...”
Bruce sighs quietly. “I think he’s having blackouts again,” he admits.
Sarah stops abruptly and grabs his arm. “When? How often?”
“I’m not sure.” Bruce covers her hand with his. “But as far as I know, he doesn’t really go out on his own anymore. That’s partly why I think the situation’s getting worse.” He winces. “There’s just all these times when he seems spaced out—not like when he’s had a vision. And he’ll look honestly confused when I ask what he’s been doing.”
“I’ve found a doctor,” Sarah offers. She pulls away and paces nervously for a few moments. “He’s supposed to be this amazing diagnostician. I’ve looked at all I could find about him and the hospital. I’ve called around to see what other people thought.” She bites her lip. “He... doesn’t have a very good reputation with his attitude. But, ah, he’s said to be the best.”
She digs in her pocket and pulls out a piece of paper. “This
has the address of the Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital in
Sarah hands it over. “Promise to at least look into it?”
Bruce nods. “Yeah... The trick will be getting Johnny to agree.” They share weary smiles.
---
Bruce comes home a few days later and immediately tenses when he steps inside. Something’s wrong. Gut clenching he runs upstairs—Johnny isn’t there. He starts searching downstairs in the living room. From there he passes through the dining room and enters the kitchen. His breath hitches when he sees Johnny’s limp body collapsed next to the island. The phone lays a few feet from him with its battery cover missing.
Bruce kneels down, reaching for Johnny’s pulse with one hand and using the other to reach for the phone.
“Shit!” Bruce directs his curse at his unconscious friend. Luckily Johnny’s pulse feels strong and regular. He pauses before dialing emergency, torn. He drops his head with a sigh and sets aside the phone.
“You’re killing yourself,” he whispers angrily.
He reaches for the phone again.
A soft moan stops him and Bruce looks down at his friend hopefully. “John? Come on, man, let’s get you up.”
He maneuvers Johnny’s limbs into a less cramped position and carefully moves so that he gets Johnny to sit up and lean back against him. Bruce waits, heart racing, his back pressing against the cupboard.
Johnny finally says, “Bruce? What time is it?”
Bruce tightens his arm around the blonde’s waist. “Five something. You were passed out, man. Can you tell me what happened?”
Johnny sags tiredly against Bruce’s chest. His head falls back on a supportive shoulder. “I was feeling a little dizzy... and I thought I’d seen someone outside.” He pauses. “But security didn’t pick it up.” Bruce leans his face against Johnny’s.
This is another recent problem—Johnny has suddenly begun suffering paranoia almost constantly; and he’s seeing things that aren’t there. In itself, that isn’t anything new, Johnny often finds himself walking in reality with an overlay of his visions adding or removing current details. The problem is that in the years since his coma, Johnny has seen plenty of visions about his house and recognizes what those entail..
“John.” Bruce frees one hand to clasp over Johnny’s. “I was
talking with Sarah recently. She’s been looking at some options for doctors.”
When Johnny doesn’t tense, Bruce squeezes his hand. Johnny always protested in
the past. “There’s this diagnostician in
They sit in silence for long moments. Bruce makes himself wait patiently. If Johnny is finally ready to look into this again, he doesn’t want to press too hard and spark another round of stubborn resistance.
Eventually Johnny sits up on his own and turns slightly to meet Bruce’s eyes. His jaw is clenched, but his look of resignation gives Bruce a sense of relief. “We can look into it.”
Bruce runs his fingers through Johnny’s hair and leans forward to kiss him. “Thank you,” he murmurs.
---
“I’m sorry Mr. Lewis, could you repeat that?”
Bruce leans back in his chair with a sigh. “I thought you spoke to Sarah Bannerman?”
“Yes, I believe that was earlier this week. However, I don’t recall her giving me any details about a patient case. She was mostly interested in what I could tell her about Dr. House... as we’ve discussed this.”
“Yes, I’m sorry.” Bruce rubs his forehead wearily. He has an hour yet before he has another patient to see. “Let’s try this again. I said that Johnny’s case is unusual. Apparently as a result of his coma a usually dormant part of his brain activated. He has visions.” He takes a deep breath and repeats what he’d said earlier, “He’s a psychic.”
Dr. Cuddy doesn’t reply.
“Look,” Bruce says, getting frustrated. “I don’t need you to believe me just yet. I do need you to understand that Johnny’s far from normal and I doubt there’ll be anything clear cut about whatever we’ll need to do. Before I convince him to come down and try this out, I have to know if I can trust you.”
“And how will you determine that?” she asks curiously.
“Instinct, maybe.” Bruce closes his eyes. “We’ll sort it out so that all of the medical files are available. I’ll be coming with and can fill in any blanks. You have to understand that it’s been over a year since he’s willingly gone in to see anyone. I want to make sure he’s not going to close up again. I need to be sure that either Johnny or myself will be fully informed every step of the way. I don’t want any surprises.”
It sounds like Dr. Cuddy is shuffling through some papers. “Well, Mr. Lewis, I need to emphasize that Dr. House is not particularly known to operate by-the-book. He’s a misanthropic son-of-a-bitch and absolutely our best doctor. We have paper work for any treatment. If you ever have any concerns, you’ll be able to call me. That’s the best I can promise. So, do you think this will be worth it?”
Bruce looks heavenwards and makes a silent prayer. “I’m hoping so. I’ll call you when I know about our arrival.”
“Alright. Have a good day, Mr. Lewis.”
“Thanks, you too.”
---
Fin ~ One