Won’t Lose to Heartbreak
Clarity Scifiroots
Disclaimers apply.
Notes: A Dead Zone (Bruce/Johnny) response to kneazles’s multifandom request
based on “time.” Written based on
seasons 1-3
Summary: Bruce wonders what guarantee he could have not to get his heart
broken... Perhaps a shared vision would help convince him. ^_~
---
If only he had a little more time. He needed more room to breath, to think, to try and figure out just what the consequences would be of his decision. Damn it, why was he being pressured to answer quickly? He wished momentarily that he could see into the future in order to have some sense if things could be worked out.
What he couldn’t easily admit was that he was afraid of what lay ahead: what if Johnny changed his mind? What guarantee could there be on a relationship beyond friendship? Sarah’s ghost would always be haunting them—in Johnny’s case, quite literally. And it wasn’t as if Bruce could forget about Dana or the memory of a girl Johnny had become infatuated with. He was facing a line-up of incredibly beautiful, independent women. Perhaps that meant he wouldn’t have to deal with the unpleasant situation of having an ex-lover’s name called out in bed, but the history of thirty-something years of heterosexuality (okay, less, since Sarah and Johnny had only figured out the mutual attraction thing around age twelve) could not be ignored! What would he be? An experiment? Another trial in the long process of coming to terms with Sarah and Walt’s relationship?
God, he didn’t want to be “second best” or some part of merely entertaining his friend for a time so he could get off and unwind. Damn Johnny anyway for asking! The sneaky bastard probably already knew how Bruce felt, how fragile his hold on such emotions already was.
We would never survive if we made a mistake and he broke my heart, he thought helplessly.
Bruce lifted his gaze slowly when he heard Johnny’s cane tapping on the floor, moving in his direction. Johnny wore an expression of determination when he appeared in the doorway, pausing for a moment, perhaps needing to brace himself against the look of betrayal in Bruce’s eyes.
Without a word, Johnny closed the distance between them and grabbed Bruce’s hand so that the head of Johnny’s cane was between their palms—
They were thrown
headlong into a tunnel full of images rushing by so fast that only a blur of
color was visible. Sounds that might have been voices whistled like a brisk wind
past their ears. Bruce couldn’t help feeling like they were tumbling like
After what felt like
endless moments the world around them began to clearly define itself and the
sound finally slowed to an audible pace.
“You know that we
shouldn’t keep on hiding this,” the vision Johnny was saying calmly to Bruce’s
double. Johnny smiled slightly, his eyes warm.
Bruce shook his head
and sounded anxious when he replied; “No, no, and no! It’s not that big of deal
right now, is it? So let’s just keep it this way.”
Johnny nodded in
acceptance, a hint of sadness or perhaps disappointment appearing on his face
for a fleeting instant. “It won’t matter what they say, you know.” He waited
until Bruce met his gaze; “I love you. Nothing external is going to change
that.”
Bruce sighed and went
over to embrace the other man. “Just a little more time...”
They were thrown down
the tunnel of rushing colors and sounds again before jerking abruptly to a halt
in another vision.
They stood in an all-too-familiar
hospital waiting room and watched Bruce pacing nervously in front of a bench
where Sarah sat, wringing her hands helplessly. She kept sneaking glances at
the upset man, but it seemed to take a while before she could find her voice.
“Bruce, will he be all
right?”
He stopped and turned
to face her, as if surprised that she would ever talk to him. His stunned look
made her laugh. Sarah reached out her hand to clasp his forearm. “Don’t look so
startled!” She sobered. “What do you think? You’re more familiar with... you
know, the visions.”
Bruce carefully sat
down beside her and frowned. “But nothing like this.”
They sat in silence
for a time. Again it was Sarah who spoke. “I’m glad...” she said, “that you
guys... worked things out.” She smiled shyly; again Bruce stared at her in
shock. Sarah chuckled and shook her head in amusement. “For heaven’s sake, why
do you look so surprised?”
Bruce frowned. “We
never agreed to tell anyone—”
Sarah patted his
shoulder comfortingly. “Believe me, you didn’t really need to. Of course, I
don’t know exactly when it happened, it’s just that we started to notice it
eventually.”
“We?” Bruce muttered, looking a little pale.
Sarah studied him
quietly for a few moments. “Yes. Some years ago Dana made a passing comment.
I’m not sure whether she was trying to get under my skin or if... Well, anyway,
I started to wonder if there was any truth to what she claimed to have seen.
When I looked for it, I saw it. And eventually Walt had to ask me if Johnny had
ever...” She snickered, probably at the memory of how her husband had tried to
broach the subject of her ex’s sexual habits gently.
“Really, Bruce, we’ve
just been waiting to hear it from one of you.” She smiled kindly. “I was
frustrated with Walt’s obvious relief, you know, but then I couldn’t really
blame him because... I was relieved, too. After he woke up I wasn’t sure he’d
ever really get close to anyone new... and you remember how I had to egg him on
to try any dating.” She got a far away look in her eye. “I guess I hadn’t even
thought to start looking at his friendships.”
Silence reigned for
long minutes. Finally Bruce managed a croaked, “Thank you.”
Sarah reached out to
hug him tightly. “It’ll be okay... it has to be,” she murmured.
More
streaming colors and high-pitched voices echoing hollowly.
The next vision was
obviously quite a few years after the previous scene, there were more age lines
on the visions of Johnny and Bruce as the two men walked the grounds of the
Faith Heritage
“How
you doing?” Bruce finally
asked quietly.
Johnny glanced at him
and offered a small smile. “I’m all right. I’m just sort of... not surprised,
but it feels strange that he’s not here, now.” He gestured around them and
stopped to glance back towards the building that held Gene Purdy’s grand office
suite. He frowned. “I think I didn’t give him enough credit. He made up for his
mistakes... and that’s all they were.” He looked again at Bruce. “Why did I villainize him so often?”
Bruce wrapped a
comforting arm around his waist. “Hey, you didn’t know what he could have been
doing. You’d seen him pursuing your mom for years starting back when you’re a
kid, who can fault you for having some of the preconceptions from childhood
linger on?”
Johnny buried his face
against Bruce’s neck and murmured, “He said he thought...” His voice caught and
it took a few moments for him to continue. “He said he would have liked... to
think that he had some impact on my life... He said he thought of me like a
son.”
Bruce closed his eyes
and brought his other arm up to complete their embrace. “At least you knew...”
“Not soon enough,”
Johnny sighed.
“I don’t think he’d
blame you for that. He was a pretty private man when you got right down to
it... It probably took a lot of thought to admit that to you.”
Johnny sighed again
and rested in Bruce’s arms. “How does time pass us so quickly?”
Bruce chuckled softly.
They were thrown back into the speeding tunnel, catching brief glimpses of other scenes in some future time—snapshots of interwoven lives. When Bruce began to feel dizzy and nauseous, Johnny touched his elbow, making the first of any contact in this prolonged vision. Bruce stared into the familiar eyes that could see beyond what most men saw and he couldn’t deny the depth of emotion he saw coming from within—
Bruce jerked his head up to see if Johnny still had the same expression on his face in the real world. Johnny stared back at him, his eyes revealing an open gaze right into what seemed to be his heart. Bruce caught his breath, stunned that he could have missed such an intense promise for so long.
Johnny started grinning, apparently able to tell that any doubts had been dealt with and now there was only acceptance and love that remained. He lifted his free hand to cup Bruce’s face; Bruce met him halfway to kiss.
~ * Fin * ~
Edited: July 4, 2005